The United States of America, died Sunday, March 21, 2010, at the age of 233, after an almost century-long bout with welfare statism, stretching at least as far back as the 1930’s. America was found dead in the U.S. House of Representatives on Sunday from a vote for a government takeover of its healthcare system—despite repeated warnings from other countries which have suffered similar fates. The details behind the murder are still unclear, but it seems that a handful of ideologically driven political leaders, hell-bent on statism, through a series of arm-twisting, backroom deals, buying of votes, payoffs, and bribes, corrupted the political process to thwart the will of the American people and forced passage of the lethal bill. Although no suspects have officially been named, American people are focusing their investigation around a Mr. Barry Hussein Obama, a certain Mrs. Pelosi, and someone by the name of Reid.
Born in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, July 4, 1776, to the Founding Fathers, the United States of America became the greatest country in the history of man. In 1776, it declared that the purpose of government is to protect individual rights. In 1788, via the Constitution, it created a constitutionally limited republic which secured these rights. Peace and prosperity in this new country flourished, and its ideas captivated and inspired the nations of Europe. As a result of this influence, the Industrial Revolution took off not only in America but across Europe as well. The ensuing century, therefore, saw mankind’s progress take off in the Western world in general and skyrocket in America in particular. Because of the tremendous practical consequences of freedom (not to mention the moral necessity of it for man’s life and happiness), the United States continued to smash through barrier after barrier scientifically and technologically throughout the 20th century, elevating human life to a level undreamed of in previous eras.
America is survived by it’s intellectual heirs—Ayn Rand, John Galt, and the Objectivists; by those amongst the Tea Party movement who have a healthy respect for reason, rational self-interest, freedom, and individual rights; by millions of Americans who still retain the original American sense of life; and by those who are just plain pissed off at the way in which a relatively small group of power lusting politicians are cannibalizing the productive and the able on the behalf of those who are not productive or able.
Memorial services will be held for the United States of America throughout the country on April 15th, on July 4th, on November 2, 2010, and again in November, 2012.
Per the wishes of freedom loving Americans, the United States of America will be cryogenically frozen in the hopes that one day reason, individualism, and freedom will be rediscovered, that rational self-interest will become understood and embraced, and that the United States of America can therefore be brought back to life.
In the meanwhile, Americans are looking for any leads in bringing to justice those involved in the slaying. Freedom loving Americans are calling on anyone who can be of assistance in this matter: the American electorate, state attorneys general, state legislatures, future U.S. Congresses, the Supreme Court of the United States, and, if need be, members of the armed services and law enforcement who have taken an oath to defend the Constitution against all enemies foreign and domestic.